Do you have an inner perfectionist?

Recently, it's come to my attention that I have an inner perfectionist. This discovery came as a shock to me, but when I mentioned it to close friends and family, they all nodded and agreed. How strange it was to meet this part of my personality, and yet it was so powerful to become aware of how these subconscious influences affect my life.

I suspect that each inner perfectionist has her own characteristics and job to do. In my case, my inner perfectionist is the driving force behind me striving to give 100% or better much of the time. And she is the little voice in my head that cautions me against trying something new if she's not 100% certain I can succeed, do a great job, or do whatever it is without upsetting anyone.

In fact, my inner perfectionist is behind a lot of the procrastinating in my life.

She holds me back from speaking up when things aren't working for me and asking for a change that better meets my needs because she doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. She puts the brakes on unproven, innovative new ideas that might really serve my clients because she doesn't want to make a mistake. And she tries to keep me from walking through open doors of opportunity discovered by my intuition when life is too busy to verify the spark of inspiration with a thorough logical analysis.

While I suspect that my inner perfectionist came into being in my younger years to protect me from doing things that might seriously injure me or get me into a lot of trouble because I can recall several incidents in my childhood where she would have come in handy, her strict rules seem to keep me stuck in unhealthy and uninspiring situations as an adult. And while she provides excellent customer service to my clients, her unwavering standards lead to exhaustion.

In fact, psychologists have discovered that giving these inner perfectionists free reign to strive for 100% all the time lead to many challenges like fatigue, depression, anxiety and the physical symptoms of chronic stress. Many of us are trained culturally or driven internally to be perfectionists all of the time, and despite our best efforts, we often fall short of our expectations and end up exhausted and disappointed in ourselves. I don't know about you, but this is certainly a pattern in my life.

An inner perfectionist can be hard to spot, but there are some signs that give her away. For example, inner perfectionists are much harder on themselves than they are on anyone else. If you find that you give yourself a hard time about something that you would forgive or not even blink an eye about if someone else did it - you may have an inner perfectionist. Another sign: procrastination! If you find yourself putting off doing something because you don't have exactly the right tools or skills to do it just right and you're afraid of making a fool out of yourself or because you're afraid of upsetting someone else by making a change or being successful - you may have an inner perfectionist.

If you do discover that, like me, you have an inner perfectionist - don't do what I did when I discovered it. I gave myself a hard time about it in true perfectionist form. Instead, give yourself permission to not be perfect all the time and relax. Whether that means giving yourself space to to be average, adventerous, willing to disappoint others some of the time, or to make a fool out of yourself - give yourself permission to try things without worrying about getting it right. And give your inner perfectionist a lot of compassion because she's working overtime to keep you safe - perhaps it's time to send her on vacation for a while.

If your inner perfectionist was on vacation, what would you do differently in your relationships, at home, at work?