Coping Gracefully

Dear readers,

I like to post here a couple of times a week, but as you may have noticed recently I have not been posting as much as usual. The reason why is chronic pain. It's hard to be creative and outgoing and energized when you are immobilized by pain, as any of you suffering from chronic pain of some kind or another know. I've been dealing with severe pelvic pain since October and struggling to find a specialist with great communication skills who can pinpoint what is going on inside my body and help me create a solution or management plan. It's been quite challenging on a number of levels, even though I have worked in health care for some years now.

First of all, it's pretty tough to talk to someone about your symptoms, especially when they are frustrating, incapacitating and in an embarassing part of your body. It's even harder to keep your chin up and keep trying to get the care you need, when the health care provider you trust to assist you does not address your whole person with the attention that you need and deserve during this difficult time. It seems to get harder each time to bring your story to a new provider, hoping this time you'll get results. I have deep empathy for anyone who has struggled with getting a difficult health problem addressed. Being in pain (or very ill) is a very vulnerable position to be in, and unfortunately, you really have to push and advocate for the attention and treatment that you need. That can be hard to do when you are feeling great, and it becomes a daunting obstacle when you need it most.

So how do you muster the resources you need during a difficult time and persist until you get the care that you need? Well, here's what I do to cope gracefully:

• Treat yourself compassionately. (Read about compassion here and here.) I give myself permission to feel my emotions around the pain - frustration, anger, helplessness. I write them down in a journal to get them out of my system and let them go.
  
• Communicate what's happening to friends and family members and enlist their support. This includes not only asking them to listen and be a witness to my struggle, but also asking for help in preparing what to say to the doctors, getting to/from appointments, to cover chores and errands when it hurts too much, and receiving reminders, encouragement, sympathy and pep talks when I'm having a bad day.
• Don't try to give 100%. In fact, on severe pain days, I don't even try for 60%. I figure out what's most important - do what I can and leave the rest. (See post about the 60/40 principle)
• Honor my body's messages. I check in regularly for cues on what my body needs. I rest when tired. I drink when thirsty. I stretch when tense. I breathe slowly when anxious. I cry when frustrated. I lie down or sit still and use heat when it hurts.
  
• Relax deeply. Each morning I spend about 30 minutes in meditation. I sit comfortably, sharing the couch with my cat, and breathe slowly. I let my breath center me, and I put my hands over the painful spots and let Reiki flow. I sit in quiet receptivity, starting my day off with peace and calm. Through listening within like this every day, I have learned a lot about myself and what I need. I also spend time in the afternoon or evening in meditation too if it's been a busy or active day, since that's when pain tends to be worse. I breathe slowly and relax and do gentle stretching to avoid complicating things with tension.
  
• Get clear about my history. I make notes of my symptoms, when they occur, how they feel, and how they've developed over time. Typing this up and giving it to a healthcare provider facilitates communication and understanding, especially if you are feeling frustrated or upset at the time of your visit.
• Get clear about my boundaries and needs. For most conditions there are plenty of treatment options that range from mild to invasive with varying side effects and degrees of effectiveness. Ultimately the decision on which treatment plan to follow is up to you not your healthcare provider. Don't be bullied into something that you aren't comfortable with. Ask a lot of questions and get the answers, facts, and details you need to know to make an informed decision that you feel comfortable with.
  
• Don't let the pain put the brakes on my life and get me down. I like to keep living even when I'm hurting, so I don't let it hold me back. Instead I find ways to work around the pain. For instance, I use a stool when giving sessions to clients instead of standing. I ask friends to come over instead of walking to meet them somewhere. I get food delivered to my house instead of trying to carry groceries home from the store. Things like that.
• Exercise to the best of my abilities right now. If that means all I can do is gentle yoga and walking, then I do that instead of nothing. One of these days I hope to get back to classes and weight lifting at the gym, but for now gentle is good enough.
• Treating myself to massages, reiki, acupuncture by other practitioners for nurturing and supporting my body in relaxing during this stressful time.
  

If any of you have stories, please comment here and share. I'd love to hear how you cope gracefully!