Baby steps towards relaxation

One dynamic that is particularly challenging in our culture is balancing our innate needs for rest and movement. When we are super busy all the time, always moving, or regularly tense or anxious, our bodies bring us back into balance by catching those dreaded colds or flus to force us to stay home to rest and rejuvenate and return to homeostasis. If you don't want to end up stuck in bed this month, there are some easy techniques you can incorporate into your life to keep balanced. I suggest you schedule downtime for yourself and practice doing leisure activities. Just like when you begin an exercise program, you're most successful at reducing stress and relaxing if you take baby steps. Start with just 5 or 10 minutes three times a week.


Start with a leisure activity that gives you something to do while practicing rest and relaxation - reading a book, petting an animal, knitting or painting. Eventually you might add 10 more minutes onto your sessions and a few additional days a week and flex your skills with some intermediate activities such as reflecting on your life, writing in a journal, or drinking a hot beverage in a cozy room. As you work up to a deeper state of peace and calm and become adept at being still, you might try more advanced resting techniques like sitting and looking out your window to observe the weather, or meditating and quieting the mind. It might seem silly to practice relaxation like this, but I'm certain you know someone who just does not know how to slow down. Yet it's a skill that can be developed with practice - I promise. And the benefits to your health, your sanity and your well-being are priceless.

Coping Gracefully

Dear readers,

I like to post here a couple of times a week, but as you may have noticed recently I have not been posting as much as usual. The reason why is chronic pain. It's hard to be creative and outgoing and energized when you are immobilized by pain, as any of you suffering from chronic pain of some kind or another know. I've been dealing with severe pelvic pain since October and struggling to find a specialist with great communication skills who can pinpoint what is going on inside my body and help me create a solution or management plan. It's been quite challenging on a number of levels, even though I have worked in health care for some years now.

First of all, it's pretty tough to talk to someone about your symptoms, especially when they are frustrating, incapacitating and in an embarassing part of your body. It's even harder to keep your chin up and keep trying to get the care you need, when the health care provider you trust to assist you does not address your whole person with the attention that you need and deserve during this difficult time. It seems to get harder each time to bring your story to a new provider, hoping this time you'll get results. I have deep empathy for anyone who has struggled with getting a difficult health problem addressed. Being in pain (or very ill) is a very vulnerable position to be in, and unfortunately, you really have to push and advocate for the attention and treatment that you need. That can be hard to do when you are feeling great, and it becomes a daunting obstacle when you need it most.

So how do you muster the resources you need during a difficult time and persist until you get the care that you need? Well, here's what I do to cope gracefully:

• Treat yourself compassionately. (Read about compassion here and here.) I give myself permission to feel my emotions around the pain - frustration, anger, helplessness. I write them down in a journal to get them out of my system and let them go.
  
• Communicate what's happening to friends and family members and enlist their support. This includes not only asking them to listen and be a witness to my struggle, but also asking for help in preparing what to say to the doctors, getting to/from appointments, to cover chores and errands when it hurts too much, and receiving reminders, encouragement, sympathy and pep talks when I'm having a bad day.
• Don't try to give 100%. In fact, on severe pain days, I don't even try for 60%. I figure out what's most important - do what I can and leave the rest. (See post about the 60/40 principle)
• Honor my body's messages. I check in regularly for cues on what my body needs. I rest when tired. I drink when thirsty. I stretch when tense. I breathe slowly when anxious. I cry when frustrated. I lie down or sit still and use heat when it hurts.
  
• Relax deeply. Each morning I spend about 30 minutes in meditation. I sit comfortably, sharing the couch with my cat, and breathe slowly. I let my breath center me, and I put my hands over the painful spots and let Reiki flow. I sit in quiet receptivity, starting my day off with peace and calm. Through listening within like this every day, I have learned a lot about myself and what I need. I also spend time in the afternoon or evening in meditation too if it's been a busy or active day, since that's when pain tends to be worse. I breathe slowly and relax and do gentle stretching to avoid complicating things with tension.
  
• Get clear about my history. I make notes of my symptoms, when they occur, how they feel, and how they've developed over time. Typing this up and giving it to a healthcare provider facilitates communication and understanding, especially if you are feeling frustrated or upset at the time of your visit.
• Get clear about my boundaries and needs. For most conditions there are plenty of treatment options that range from mild to invasive with varying side effects and degrees of effectiveness. Ultimately the decision on which treatment plan to follow is up to you not your healthcare provider. Don't be bullied into something that you aren't comfortable with. Ask a lot of questions and get the answers, facts, and details you need to know to make an informed decision that you feel comfortable with.
  
• Don't let the pain put the brakes on my life and get me down. I like to keep living even when I'm hurting, so I don't let it hold me back. Instead I find ways to work around the pain. For instance, I use a stool when giving sessions to clients instead of standing. I ask friends to come over instead of walking to meet them somewhere. I get food delivered to my house instead of trying to carry groceries home from the store. Things like that.
• Exercise to the best of my abilities right now. If that means all I can do is gentle yoga and walking, then I do that instead of nothing. One of these days I hope to get back to classes and weight lifting at the gym, but for now gentle is good enough.
• Treating myself to massages, reiki, acupuncture by other practitioners for nurturing and supporting my body in relaxing during this stressful time.
  

If any of you have stories, please comment here and share. I'd love to hear how you cope gracefully!

Do you strive for 100%?

Last month an online friend of mine mentioned the 60/40 principle. It was developed by a psychologist in the 1930's as part of a program to help people manage their inner environment for good mental health. Striving for 100% or more all the time leads to many challenges like fatigue, depression, anxiety, and the physical ailments associated with chronic stress. Many of us are trained culturally or driven internally to be perfectionists all of the time, and despite our best efforts, we often fall short of our expectations and end up exhausted and disappointed in ourselves. I don't know about you, but this is certainly a pattern in my life.

The psychologist, Dr. Low, taught his patients to take a different approach. He encouraged them to lower their expectations to a more reasonable level - 60/40. He said that 60/40 is average for everybody and encouraged his patients to give themselves permission to be average. He pointed out that if people really lived at 100% they'd probably have ascended to another realm by now. He taught that if you can accomplish 60% at your best, that's pretty good, and if you're having a bad day it's ok to drop your optimum even lower.

I encourage you to try out the 60/40 principle this week and give yourself permission to set reasonable goals and relax while you work towards them.

What do you lead with?

Have you ever paid attention to how you walk? Do you walk like you're in a hurry to get to your destination, or do you enjoy the journey? We all know that walking is good exercise, but did you know it can be a fun way to relax and reduce stress?

Next time you are walking, pay attention to your body language. What message are you giving yourself and those around you? Are you leading with your head or chest, maybe leaning forward for speed? What do you see as you walk? Do you notice your surroundings, or are you concentrating on your destination? This type of walking might be a make a good cardio workout, but it's not likely to help you relax.

Try leading with your belly instead. I know it sounds silly, but if you just give it a try you'll be glad you did. As you stand, relax your belly fully - just let it all hang out and lean back a little as if you just finished a big meal and you're making room for digestion. Now as you begin to walk, lead your movements with your belly, hips and thighs, continuing to relax and lean back slightly. You'll find you'll naturally want to take some nice slow breaths and your body begins to relax. Leaning back like this, instead of hunched forward, you may notice more of your surroundings and enjoy them too.

I find that it's pretty hard to stay cranky and stressed when leading with my belly - in fact I feel like I'm strolling and on top of the world. Next time you're feeling stressed, I encourage you to lead with your belly and see where it takes you!

Just Breathe

The holidays are quickly approaching, and this can be a very stressful time of year. Personally, I've been struggling to find a way to get through every day this week between trying to finish my to-do list for the holidays (I celebrate both Yule and Christmas), be present with my family (we had an emergency this week), wrap up my year end projects, deal with cancellations and the messy and dangerous sidewalks after the recent snowstorms that hit New England (it is snowing again today), keep up with my husband and our chores around the house, and pay enough attention to my cats.

After trying to get my attention, and me snapping at him to shush, a short while ago my coon cat gave me a look of utter disdain and ran and hid behind the futon in my office. I took that as a sign. I sat down on the futon and just breathed. I noticed my heart was pounding and my thoughts were racing. Wow, I was surprised! I had no idea I was feeling enough pressure to be physically stressed out because I hadn't taken the time to check in with myself all week.

So, I decided to stay there and keep breathing slowly, exhaling longer than inhaling to remind my body to relax. I inhaled for a count of four and exhaled for a count of 6. Gradually the tension left my body, and my breathing naturally became deeper and longer. Then I noticed a gentle, growing feeling of peace and calm. The music playing in the background sounded sweeter, even the snowfall outside my window looked prettier. After a few more moments of this, my cat came out of hiding. He gave me a critical once over, and then, satisfied, jumped up on the futon and licked me affectionately. Boy do I feel better now.

Take a hint from my cat. If you are busy, under pressure, feeling rushed, or stressed, just take a few minutes to breathe slowly. Ignore your racing heart and mind, and let your long slow exhales relax your body and bring back some peace and joy, the tidings of this holiday season.

How to rest more

One dynamic that is particularly challenging in our culture is balancing our innate needs for rest and movement. When we are super busy all the time, always moving, or regularly tense or anxious, our bodies bring us back into balance by manifesting symptoms that land us in bed so we can rest and rejuvenate and return to homeostasis.

When your goal is wellness, the challenge is developing awareness of what's out of wack and practicing techniques that get you back to middle ground before you get stuck, burned out or run down. We're all different, so what's out of balance for one person is totally unique and may not be the same for another. If you're not sure where you are in the spectrum, you can always ask a trusted friend or family member for their honest assessment.

Once you know what you need more of (or less of), you are empowered to take action to get back to equilibrium. It's a dynamic dance though, which is why I think of wellness as a life-long practice. It's not what you do today or tomorrow, it's the culmination of all the little choices you make every day over the length of your life.

Ok so philosophy aside, there are practical techniques you can practice to bring yourself into balance. If you need to relax more, you can schedule downtime for yourself and practice doing leisure activities. Just like when you begin an exercise program, you're most successful if you take baby steps. Start with just 5 or 10 minutes three times a week.

Start with a leisure activity that gives you something to do while practicing rest and relaxation like reading a book, petting an animal, knitting or painting. Eventually you might add 10 more minutes onto your sessions and a few additional days a week and flex your skills with some intermediate activities such as reflecting on your life, writing in a journal, or drinking a hot beverage in a cozy room. As you work up to a deeper state of peace and calm and become adept at being still, you might try more advanced resting techniques like sitting and looking out your window observing life, or meditating and quieting the mind.

It might seem silly, but I'm sure you know someone who does not know how to relax and rest. It's a skill that can be developed with practice - I promise. And the benefits to your health, your sanity and your well-being are priceless. For more information about what relaxation is and what it isn't, take a look here.

Cold & Flu Season!

Cold and flu season has begun! Relaxation is the best technique you can use to ward off both and recover quicker if you can't avoid it completely. I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again: stress and tension (both emotional and physical) uses up precious energy that your body could be spending to keep you healthy. Freeing up that energy can give you the boost you need to avoid the virus going around your home or workplace, or help you cut the time it takes for you to get back to normal.

When your energy is flowing strong and optimally, and you're resting enough for your body to stay ahead on repairs, you are much less likely to come down with a cold or the flu. However, if your energy reserves are low, your body might not have enough fuel to stay ahead of the "bugs" going around this time of year. When you sleep and when you relax deeply, your body focuses on digestion and repairs. So if you're run down or already sick - you can help your body with the healing process by deliberately relaxing deeply.

Reiki is fantastic for colds and flu (or preventing them). Not only does it help you release tension, thereby freeing up energy, it also gives your body an additional energy boost that it can use to neutralize a virus or bacterial infection. Reiki is great as a treatment when you feel something coming on, but it's even better as a preventative to alleviate the chronic stress and tension that sets you up to be more susceptible to what's going around. Give me a call or email to find out how Reiki can help you feel your best this cold and flu season.

Also, take a peek at the simple relaxation techniques you can do at home...

Relaxation for Cold & Flu season

One way to lower your chances of coming down with a cold or the flu this season is to practice deep relaxation on a daily basis. Often relaxing deeply will give you an energy boost because the energy your muscles were using to stay tense is now directed back into the body system and available for you to repair damage, neutralize a "bug", or simply to recharge.

The most simple at home technique for deep relaxation is to sit comfortably and breath slowly. Inhale for a count of four, pause briefly, and then exhale for a count of 8. Repeat for 5 or 10 minutes until you feel peaceful and calm. You can do this simple breathing exercise anytime and anyplace - while sitting in traffic, in a meeting, waiting in line, while on hold on the phone, when you first wake up, in bed to help you fall asleep, etc...

Another way to release tension is to check in with your body after you've done some of the breathing above. As you notice any areas of tension, let them relax. If this is difficult, try contracting the tense areas first and then releasing the muscles. Or imagine breathing into the area and letting go of tension on your exhale. Or if sitting still doesn't appeal to you, try some gentle twisting or rotating of your torso and limbs to loosen up stiff areas. Stretching in this way can warm up muscles and get your energy flowing well again.

Any of these techniques, when practiced regularly, can help reduce stress and prevent that run down feeling that indicates that you're more susceptible to catching that cold or flu going around.

What is relaxation anyways?

Cultivating a state of relaxation that stays with you day in and day out makes a significant difference in your health, helps you achieve your career and life goals, and makes life as enjoyable as possible. Yet it's not something that our culture really understands, especially how to practice it. I have been talking to my clients quite a bit recently about what relaxation is - and what it isn't. I've found there are some common misconceptions about relaxation that make it seem hard to achieve, undesireable or just plain old mistaken for "entertainment" or "leisure" activities like sports, working out and hitting the night life.

Being relaxed is not: grogginess, sleepiness, or tiredness. Sometimes when you relax, you become aware of how tired you already were because you are better able to hear your body's signals - but the need for rest is what it is - it is not relaxation.

Relaxation is not fatigue or lethargy either. Rather, when relaxed, your muscles and joints flow; in fact, all of your body systems flow easily because they are not disrupted by tension. Tension, believe it or not, actually wastes energy and can wear you out. It takes fuel to keep those muscles contracted, and that energy you spend keeping up the tension habit could be used for something you enjoy doing. With practice, you can retrain your muscles to be more efficient by staying relaxed and free up more energy to fuel your life.

Relaxation is not a state of being so laid back that nothing bothers you and you never have difficult emotions. That state is called apathy! Rather, relaxation is being comfortable enough to accept your emotions as they are, without giving them any more or less importance than is necessary. It's about being calm enough to respond to a situation with your mind and heart, not reacting from a place of fear or pain. It's about having enough calm stored up that even when life throws you curveballs, you have the resiliency to get back to your center quickly.

Relaxation is a state of calm responsiveness, where your body and mind are at rest but ready to respond to whatever situation arises. When I think about an expert on relaxation, a martial arts master from those late 80's movies pops into my mind. He is someone who is very clearly at ease with his body and tuned into how he can use it well. In addition, this guy is usually smiling and enjoying the moment, whether it is dangerous or not. He is very aware and alert to everything going on around him, but he is at rest and calm. He does not react to situations, rather he responds calmly using the least amount of energy necessary to deal with it and accomplish his goal.

Now, of course we aren't all going to become a martial arts master, but everybody can learn how to be comfortable with their bodies and emotions, and maintain an alert, focused mind that can appreciate the moment no matter whether it is exciting, joyful, dull or difficult. We can even learn how to respond instead of react. (For more on that take a look at my emotional energy series of posts...)

There are many active and passive ways to cultivate the art of relaxation. While some require discipline like martial arts, qigong, yoga, and meditation, there are others that require less work from you like bodywork, hypnotherapy, going to a spa etc... I've found a pretty cool way to train the body with a series of Reiki sessions combined with breathing cues. I've had great success using this with my clients. How you cultivate relaxation in your life is really up to you - what's important is that you do it.