What is relaxation anyways?

Cultivating a state of relaxation that stays with you day in and day out makes a significant difference in your health, helps you achieve your career and life goals, and makes life as enjoyable as possible. Yet it's not something that our culture really understands, especially how to practice it. I have been talking to my clients quite a bit recently about what relaxation is - and what it isn't. I've found there are some common misconceptions about relaxation that make it seem hard to achieve, undesireable or just plain old mistaken for "entertainment" or "leisure" activities like sports, working out and hitting the night life.

Being relaxed is not: grogginess, sleepiness, or tiredness. Sometimes when you relax, you become aware of how tired you already were because you are better able to hear your body's signals - but the need for rest is what it is - it is not relaxation.

Relaxation is not fatigue or lethargy either. Rather, when relaxed, your muscles and joints flow; in fact, all of your body systems flow easily because they are not disrupted by tension. Tension, believe it or not, actually wastes energy and can wear you out. It takes fuel to keep those muscles contracted, and that energy you spend keeping up the tension habit could be used for something you enjoy doing. With practice, you can retrain your muscles to be more efficient by staying relaxed and free up more energy to fuel your life.

Relaxation is not a state of being so laid back that nothing bothers you and you never have difficult emotions. That state is called apathy! Rather, relaxation is being comfortable enough to accept your emotions as they are, without giving them any more or less importance than is necessary. It's about being calm enough to respond to a situation with your mind and heart, not reacting from a place of fear or pain. It's about having enough calm stored up that even when life throws you curveballs, you have the resiliency to get back to your center quickly.

Relaxation is a state of calm responsiveness, where your body and mind are at rest but ready to respond to whatever situation arises. When I think about an expert on relaxation, a martial arts master from those late 80's movies pops into my mind. He is someone who is very clearly at ease with his body and tuned into how he can use it well. In addition, this guy is usually smiling and enjoying the moment, whether it is dangerous or not. He is very aware and alert to everything going on around him, but he is at rest and calm. He does not react to situations, rather he responds calmly using the least amount of energy necessary to deal with it and accomplish his goal.

Now, of course we aren't all going to become a martial arts master, but everybody can learn how to be comfortable with their bodies and emotions, and maintain an alert, focused mind that can appreciate the moment no matter whether it is exciting, joyful, dull or difficult. We can even learn how to respond instead of react. (For more on that take a look at my emotional energy series of posts...)

There are many active and passive ways to cultivate the art of relaxation. While some require discipline like martial arts, qigong, yoga, and meditation, there are others that require less work from you like bodywork, hypnotherapy, going to a spa etc... I've found a pretty cool way to train the body with a series of Reiki sessions combined with breathing cues. I've had great success using this with my clients. How you cultivate relaxation in your life is really up to you - what's important is that you do it.