Remembering to surrender

I am having a hard time since my hip started hurting on Tuesday evening. I am frustrated and disappointed that this aggravated hip is taking time out of my days and botching my plans for the week. I am starting to wonder if there is some message in the hip pain about stretching too fast and the snapping back that happens when something feels threatened.

We weren’t working strenuously in yoga class, mostly we were stretching. I recall reaching into a place in my left hip with one of the stretches, feeling a muscle wake up that I hadn’t noticed before, a depth to the stretch I hadn’t felt in this hip in years. I felt fine at the time, but about an hour after the class my core and hip muscles locked up around the area and two days later they are still tight and sore. That muscle in my hip must have called in the troops because it felt vulnerable and in danger of being hurt by the new sensations of the stretching.

This seems relevant to human nature.

If we venture out of our comfort zones too quickly without feeling safe and supported, we almost involuntarily snap back into a safe space to hide for awhile. I’ve sure experienced this with my heart in romance, in my career and especially with my business. I have definitely been working on stretching my edges in many aspects of my life this summer, and the stretch hasn’t always held.

It’s two steps forward, one step back.

Mark Silver talks a lot about making it safe for yourself and your clients to do the sacred healing work you are here to do with your business. His solution is to lean into the Divine in Remembrance for all the nourishment, support, nurturing, faith, love, energy and support you need to feel safe.

Today with this ouchie hip that prevents me from bending down to feed the cat and reach for pots on the bottom cabinet shelf, I feel unsteady, unstable, not safe in my body and in the kitchen. I feel frustrated that I have to ask for help with things I “should” be able to do myself. I am frustrated that this pain is distracting me from working on the big project I excitedly planned for today. I am frustrated that many of my plans for the week have been thwarted by this pain in my left hip.

Insert big, dramatic sigh here.

And as I finally give up and stop trying to push through the pain to get just one small task accomplished so I feel good about myself, as I grump around my apartment refusing to laugh with my sweetie as he attempts to cheer me up, as I retreat to the bedroom with tea, journal and pen, I finally remember to surrender.

Sometimes the only thing you can do is surrender to the circumstances. We spend so much time believing we are in control, and yet we really are not most of the time. There’s nothing in my power to prevent the hurricane that’s coming on Sunday and disrupting my full day of meetings and clients. I can complain about it, but at the end of the day all I can do is surrender to mother nature and come up with a plan b, whatever that is, that works within the limitations outside my control.

Just like with my aggravated hip. I surrender, finally. I give myself permission to feel ok even though the pain distracted me from my planned project all day. I let go and accept that this is how it is today. And as I do so, all that frustration, stress and anxiety pushing down on my chest melts away.

I can breathe deeply again. I can laugh, pet the cat, and finally relax. I surrender.

When things aren't going your way: what to do when you hit a roadblock in life or business.

Last week I talked about how you don't have to be perfect to be successful. Sometimes, in fact, you do everything just right, and things still don't work out. You planned carefully, put your intentions out to the Universe, crossed all your t's and dotted all your i's, and still, life has a funny way of derailing the best laid plans at times.

When that happens, it's pretty easy to feel frustrated, impatient, angry, overwhelmed, confused, disappointed, and unsure of yourself. Even worse, I notice a lot of my clients and friends take things a step further and start being really hard on themselves for not being perfect and making the outcome work out they way they intended. So add to the original feelings a lot of guilt, self-loathing and berating.

This is a pretty rough place to be in and can start a downward spiral that takes you further and further from the success and abundance you want in your life.

When life happens to derail your best laid plans, I encourage you to take a step back and practice what the Buddhists call non-attachment. Non-attachment is letting go of your attachment to the outcome, and also letting go of your false sense of control over the situation. Release your misplaced responsibility, and approach yourself with compassion. Even if you do find that there was a true mistake of judgment that you made in the situation, you can apologize, learn your lesson and move on from it without being mean to yourself.

I learned about non-attachment over the last three years on my journey with chronic pain. I know all the tricks for managing pain, and sometimes even my best intentions don't work. Pain, like so many things in life, often has a mind and a purpose of it's own that is completely outside of my conscious control. In the beginning, I would inflict a lot of anger and self-hatred on my body for subjecting me to this misery, but I eventually realized that this wasn't getting me anywhere but more unhappy.

I realized that just like when completely unanticipated things happen, I can't always control pain. But I can control my response and actions. I can choose not to have an angry or knee-jerk reaction and instead to respond to the situation at hand in a way that feels right and aligned with my original intentions.

I came up with this simple process for dealing with a flare-up and dealing with unanticipated life situations that throw me for a loop. Step 1 ~ Stop: Take a deep breath and release the need to be in control of the situation on your exhale. Step 2 ~ Listen: Ask your Core self, Inner Voice or Intuition what do I need right now? Listen for the answer as long as you need until you are certain. Step 3 ~ Respond with a Loving Action: Choose how you want to respond to the situation from a loving place. Be kind to yourself, the other people involved and even allow yourself to laugh a bit about the predicament you are in.

If you can, thank the Universe for this lesson to slow down, reassess and get clarity. What I've discovered is that when I can approach the unexpected, unplanned interruptions with compassion, and even a bit of gratitude, another opportunity presents itself.

In fact, success is not doing things perfectly all the time, or even part of the time. Success comes when you are confident enough in yourself and your convictions to weather the ups and downs of the unexpected and jump on the opportunities that present themselves to you. Success is the result of your ability to respond in each situation in a way that's aligned with your goals and values, instead of getting lost in a self-defeating cycle of self-abuse, guilt and anger.

Practicing the three simple steps I outlined for you above can help you become successful. If you want or need more support and guidance in transforming your approach to challenges and roadblocks, Succeed Like a Diva may be for you. It'll bring you through a transformational journey within the loving, compassionate support of a mastermind group.

You'll learn new techniques for dealing with roadblocks, and you will step into the empowerment to courageously live a life of abundance and vibrancy. You will also learn how to shift into the Diva Success way of being that doesn't get stuck at roadblocks so you can live from your heart in a way that naturally and effortlessly attracts the opportunities and success that you desire. It starts May 2nd, and the early bird rates are in effect until April 25th. Check out the rest of the details here.