Healing my relationship with Money

Over the first few years of being self-employed, my business revenue doubled each year. That's pretty sweet, and it told me that I was reaching out to the right people in a way that resonates. It also indicated that my programs were successful and people kept showing up to work with me.

Yet despite this growing trend in revenue, I found that I was paying myself about the same amount as the first year - more or less nothing.

All the revenue my business brought in mysteriously disappeared each month before I could pay myself. Not only that, my business didn't feel stable (despite it's growth and success) because I was still operating on a week-to-week cash flow where the money goes out almost faster than it came in.

My business savings towards future growth wasn't growing, and neither was my paycheck. (What savings? What paycheck?)

I had known for a long while that I had a block in relationship to money, which is why I worked on it with my business mentor and my financial advisor. And yet, despite the wonderful systems they gave me to create good habits with my business finances none of it really clicked for me. I'd try a system and by the 3rd week I'd start avoiding money again.

I seriously had a problem here, but I was stumped on how to change it.

Then I had a breakthrough when I heard Mark Silver talking about responsibility. He said that we are responsible for showing up for ourselves, our clients, our family and friends. He talked about a lot of us misplace this responsibility, sometimes believing we are responsible for what happens next after we show up, but we are not. It's our job to show up, do the work, and then surrender it.

I realized at that moment that I had not been showing up for myself. I was not holding myself responsible in my relationship with money.

My usual reaction to money had been "Ugh, I don't want to deal with this," and I would find something else to do. I fell into a habit of being very passive about money, allowing it to flow right out of the business as fast as it was coming in. I was allowing others to influence where my money came from and where it went.

Oh boy. Facing that was pretty sucky.

I decided, finally, that it was time for me to get responsible and proactive with my money and face all the emotional stuff I had been avoiding.

The first step was to take stock of where the money was coming from each month, and where it was going. Ooh this was really an eye opener for me! I discovered that for some of the services I offered, the fee did not cover the expenses. It was actually costing me quite a bit to offer them.

Um. Ugh. Oops. That was a pretty upsetting discovery.

I gave myself time to sit with the yucky emotions, eat ice cream, and meditate until I had processed it all. I was ready to take responsibility for it. Part of taking responsibility was owning that I was the one who created the situation, and that it was ok to forgive myself, learn from it and do something different.

I figured out my emotional reasoning behind the services offered so cheaply. Some of what had motivated me at the time was wanting to please the people working with me by creating a rate they couldn't refuse. I realized, though, that these low rates mostly prevented people from really investing in themselves and working the program. With a price point so low, it was no big deal to sign up and shrug it off if you didn't get around to following through.

I had created a situation for my clients that didn't give them the best possible support and structure for success. Not only that, offering a program at cost to me wasn't helping me be successful either. What a lesson to learn!

Another part of taking responsibility was putting in the time, thought, heart and effort to restructure and get a handle on my business finances. I committed making bookkeeping a priority so I could always pull up a snapshot of my finances instead of guessing what the pile of receipts on my desk represented financially.

I also started fiddling with budgets and spreadsheets and invited this work to bring healing to my relationship with money. I hung in there and sat through all the yucky emotions that came up. Remembrance and tonglen breathing came in very handy during this process.

As I became acquainted with my finances and shifted my business so it had more financially healthy habits, I gave myself plenty of TLC, self-care and breaks. I kept working at it until I emerged on the other side like a butterfly leaving it's cocoon. I was a butterfly who felt empowered and inspired about the flow of money into and out of her business and life. It really was a beautiful transformation.

And if I could do it, you can too.

It's just a matter of Remembering

Wow, what an amazing weekend in Portland, Oregon with Mark Silver of Heart of Business and all the other participants of the Sacred Moment Seminar! I learned so much about the dance between business owner and potential client as they feel each other out to see if working together resonates. Even more life changing was the Sufi technique of Remembrance that I write about below. On the plane ride home, my inspiration and creativity were flowing and the new program that's been gestating this winter finally blossomed. It's called Your Exit Strategy: One Year Journey from Heart-sick Employee to Heart Centered Entrepreneur and Soul-satisfying Living. This program is for healers who are leading double lives - one life in the profession that no longer calls to them and the other as a spiritual being on a path of healing and teaching, often in the closet except with a few close friends or family. I know all about this double life, as I lived it myself for years. If this resonates with you, take a peek at the description on my website. Practitioners, if you need something to shift so that you are attracting clients and experiencing your business in a flow of abundance, the Heart-Centered Entrepreneur Apprenticeship is for you. I am now accepting applications for the next Heart-Centered Entrepreneur Apprenticeship starting on April 4th. Spots are limited so get your application in early. Request an application and more details here.

Remembrance One of the Sufi techniques we practiced all weekend at the Sacred Moment Seminar is called the Remembrance. It's a quite simple, and yet profound, way of filling your heart with appreciation from the Source. Apparently, there are many names for God in the Sufi tradition, and one of those names is Ash-Shakur. The story with this name is that in the beginning there was just God. God wanted to be able to see, experience and appreciate all aspects of itself so God created all the creations in the Universe. Ash-Shakur is the name for God that means "One who Appreciates", and we connected with this aspect frequently throughout the weekend. As we leaned back (metaphorically and physically) into the Source in Remembrance and asked for Appreciation, we were amazed how easily and powerfully we received it! It never failed to fill our hearts with a sense of being unconditionally loved. And, wow what things you feel you can accomplish and experience when you are held in that place! This technique is so easy, and I have been teaching it to everyone I've encountered since my return from Portland! It's been an "Ah-ha!" experience for all whom I've shared it with. My sweetheart and I have even been ending our nightly phone calls by dropping into Remembrance and Appreciation We've been ending our nightly phone calls by dropping into Remembrance and Appreciation together. Here's my version of how to lean back into the Source for Appreciation and support. 1. Relax Begin by sitting somewhere comfortable where you won't be disturbed for 5 minutes or so. Take some slow, gentle breaths and release any tension in your body. 2. Check in with your Heart Bring your attention to your heart center. Check in and see what you are experiencing at this moment. Trust and make space for however you are feeling - whatever it is - it's ok. Just acknowledge how you feel and allow it to exist. 3. Connect with the Source With your attention in your heart center, ask the Source to come forth and be present in your heart. The way we learned was to repeat a name of Source that resonates with us. For me, it's "Mah", but choose something that works for you. Repeat the Name in your heart a few times and gently let your heart open to receive this connection. 4. Ask for Appreciation Share the feelings you discovered a few minutes ago in your heart with the Source. Pour your heart out to the Source if you need to. Once it's all been acknowledged, simply ask to receive Appreciation. Keep breathing with a soft heart and allow yourself to receive whatever comes. For some it may just be a peaceful feeling, for others a vision, and for others maybe a song or words. Allow yourself to lean back and receive this Appreciation, knowing you held by the Source.

Stop trying to earn Love; you already deserve it.

What if you are already good enough?

In preparation for the creative retreat I attended last weekend, my mentor had all of the participants read The Soul of Money: Reclaiming the Wealth of our Inner Resources by Lynne Twist. Ms. Twist, a long time fundraiser and activist for The Hunger Project who has worked closely with some of the most resource rich and resource poor individuals and communities in the world, puts forth some revolutionary ideas about our capacity to experience abundance no matter where we are in the world and what our access to money is like. Ms. Twist actually challenges us to let go of the money myths that have become the foundations of our Western capitalist culture ("there isn't enough to go around so stockpile as much as you can for you and yours") and replace them with a liberating, and ancient, myth of abundance ("there is enough for all of us").

At this creative retreat, we explored how to weave the myth of abundance into our businesses, lifestyle and even spirituality. As we explored how to integrate our passions and businesses with our chosen lifestyle, we were actually exploring how the paradigm of enough could liberate, not just our relationship with money, but our relationship with ourselves, our families, our clients, and all the other people in our communities. A series of "what if" questions started popping into my mind as the possible ramifications of the myth of abundance began to sink into my consciousness.

What if individuals started to realize that they are good enough just as they are?

What if communities began to see that there are enough resources for everyone if they work together?

What if there is always enough love and support to nourish me and everyone else?

What if none of us has to earn dignity, worth, value, love, abundance, opportunities, appreciation, gifts, income and anything else our hearts desire?

What if we are all inherently good enough to receive these things?

What if it's just a matter of being open to revealing this abundance inside of ourselves and our communities?

Though my mentor has been trying to teach me this for a while, it wasn't until I came home from the retreat did I start to really understand how my entire life and my business could be different if I approached it from this lens of abundance. Our society equates a sense of security with money, through employment. Do you?

Yet, indigenous tribes did not have money. They had food, water, community and all were fed, housed, and cared for. They teach us that a loving community is more security than money and employment. What is community? It's really just a group of people through which Love flows to you and to others. Money is simply one way that abundance flows to you. What's abundance? An expression of Love. It's something we all innately deserve - it's not something we have to earn or prove we deserve it. Money, abundance, love are the appreciation and support from the Universe that flows to you through your community, your work, your family etc..

Thought about in this context, money is really a form of appreciation, an expression of Love. Your clients come to receive Love through your gifts, guidance, and advice. You receive their expression of Love and appreciation through the fees they pay you. On a practical level, I wanted to know how to transform my business by shifting into this alternate paradigm. Here are some questions I worked on as I began the transformation, and I encourage you to start exploring them for yourself.

Your Transformational Homework

Spend some time first thing in the morning with a journal and reflect on these questions:

• How do I act as a channel for Divine love and nourishment?
• How do I cultivate receiving Divine love and nourishment?
• How can I view my business as a channel for this Divine love and nourishment?
• How does the Divine/Source direct love and nourishment to me?
• Am I receptivein my business? Am I rigid in my ideas about money=security=abundance or am I open to receiving abundance in wonderful and unanticipated ways?
• What beliefs do I attach to being paid by my clients?
• What beliefs do I attach to the relationship of money and success to my business? Is the belief: "I have to earn money" a foundation of your business? Remember that money is just an expression of Love - deep down do you feel you need to earn Love?
• Are you limiting how much you appreciation receive? Who you receive it from? Does taking payment from your clients make you uncomfortable? Why?
• How can I practice receiving appreciation in the currency of money? How can I open up to the Divine flow of love and abundance in my business?

Lessons from labor

I am writing this week's article from the hospital with a friend who has been laboring with her first child for over 48 hours. It's been an emotional journey the last couple of days for all of us. It's been powerful watching my friend balance her willpower, stamina and desire to meet her son with the surrender required by the birthing process.

One of the most poignant lessons has been the reminder that even when you do everything in your power to encourage something to happen, there are times that you just have to wait and let things take their natural course.

That's a potent lesson in this day and age, not only for expectant mothers, but for all of us.

How often do we pick our goals and decide exactly how we are going to achieve them? It can be so comforting to predict how we're going to act, what we're going to do, who we're going to do it with and what will happen. We often get so caught up in doing things the way we predetermined to do them that we miss the wonderful opportunities to do things differently, perhaps even more delightfully, that present themselves as we journey through life.

Watching my friend labor has been a reminder that most of the time we truly do not have power over the mysterious ways of the universe. It's also been a nice reminder about what we ALWAYS have power over: how we respond to circumstances beyond our control. We can get caught up in what we wanted to happen and be unhappy when things don't go the way we hope or expect, or, like my friend, we can stay fully present in the moment and make choices that honor the natural process.

My friends have really been an inspiration in how they've handled this laboring journey - they have become skilled at making choices in the best interest of mom and baby based on the factors available at each different point in time that the path forks.

In fact, my coach calls this type of decision making process "dancing with spirit" - it's when you keep your end goal in mind yet make decisions based on what's the best option, what's healthiest, what your heart feels is right based on what you know right NOW while letting go of all expectations of how things should go.

We can all benefit from my friends example. While you may have a vision in your mind of what you desire in your life, whether it's a new baby or a new business or even the outcome of a project - instead of getting hung up on HOW you expect to achieve your end goal, in my friends' case meeting their new son, you can release all expectations of HOW your goal will be achieved and focus instead on being in the moment and giving yourself the freedom to be open to choices and opportunities that you hadn't originally imagined were possible.

Do you know how powerful you really are?

Here's a reposting of an article I wrote in the Fall of 2007. It is so relevant to how you choose to participate in world events right now:

Yesterday's post quoting Caroline Myss explored how emotions are stored in the body, and today I'm going to talk about the power you have to change your body and your life using your mind.

Thoughts and emotions are information represented by chemical signals in the body and brain. What inspires, directs and shapes them? We don't know that scientifically, but there is a theory that consciousness (or spirit depending on your worldview) exists on an energetic level beyond the firing of neurons in the brain or signals traveling down nerves. From this perspective, the driving force behind all the activity in your body comes from the energetic (mind or spirit) level. Do you realize just how powerful you are in shaping your life, your health and your body?

Through your attention and intention, you have the power to organize events and circumstances in your life. What you pay attention to manifests in your body and around you. By choosing positive thoughts and emotions, and by focusing your attention on peace, vitality, wellness, calm, balance, health or other desireable states of being, you can cultivate them in your life. You can grow them like flowers in a garden.

Or conversely, if you focus on what you do not want, unfortunately, you may accidentally manifest exactly that because the subconscious mind is too primal to understand the concept of "not". Rather, it experiences the world through images, associations and symbols. What you pay attention to is what it seeks out to create and find. It is not enough to decide you no longer want to be this way or that way - to change your life you must decide how you want to be and focus on that instead. Therefore, the key to making mental and emotional changes is by using carefully constructed positive visualizations and images.

For example, if your desire is to no longer be anxious, you must focus on how you would like to be peaceful and calm with a visual of yourself looking content and collected. In addition to the visual, the intention becomes more powerful when you use verbal affirmations to replace the negative associations in your mind. In this case, repeating the affirmation "I am at peace and calm in all situations" along with your visualization has a deep impact. Images engage the subconscious, and words engage the conscious mind - so it's a powerful combination when used routinely.

So let me pull this all together here. You can live your life at the mercy of your emotions, letting past traumas, current concerns, and anxiety about the future suck the energy and joy from your life. Or you can use the power of your mind to create a positive, fulfilling life by focusing your attention and intention on how you would like to feel physically, emotionally and mentally.