Transform your inner perfectionist

Recently, it's come to my attention that I have an inner perfectionist. This discovery came as a shock to me, but when I mentioned it to close friends and family, they all nodded and agreed. How strange it was to meet this part of my personality, and yet it was so powerful to become aware of how these subconscious influences affect my life.

I suspect that each inner perfectionist has her own characteristics and job to do. In my case, my inner perfectionist is the driving force behind me striving to give 100% or better much of the time. And she is the little voice in my head that cautions me against trying something new if she's not 100% certain I can succeed, do a great job, or do whatever it is without upsetting anyone.

I realized that my inner perfectionist is behind a lot of the procrastinating in my life which often results in missed opportunities.

She holds me back from speaking up when things aren't working for me and asking for a change that better meets my needs because she doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. She puts the brakes on unproven, innovative new ideas that might really serve my clients because she doesn't want to make a mistake.

While I suspect that my inner perfectionist came into being in my younger years to protect me from doing things that might seriously injure me or get me into a lot of trouble. I sure can recall several incidents in my childhood where she would have come in handy! Yet, her strict rules seem to keep me stuck in unhealthy and uninspiring situations as an adult. And while she provides excellent customer service to my clients, her unwavering standards lead to exhaustion.

In fact, psychologists have discovered that giving these inner perfectionists free reign to strive for 100% all the time lead to many challenges like fatigue, depression, anxiety and the physical symptoms of chronic stress. Many of us are trained culturally or driven internally to be perfectionists all of the time, and despite our best efforts, we often fall short of our expectations and end up exhausted and disappointed in ourselves.

I don't know about you, but this is certainly a pattern in my life.

An inner perfectionist can be hard to spot, but there are some signs that give her away. For example, inner perfectionists are much harder on themselves than they are on anyone else. If you find that you give yourself a hard time about something that you would forgive or not even blink an eye about if someone else did it - you may have an inner perfectionist.

Another sign: procrastination! If you find yourself putting off doing something because you don't have exactly the right tools or skills to do it just right and you're afraid of making a fool out of yourself or because you're afraid of upsetting someone else by making a change or being successful - you may have an inner perfectionist.

If you do discover that, like me, you have an inner perfectionist - don't do what I did when I discovered it. I gave myself a hard time about it in true perfectionist form.

Instead, give yourself permission to not be perfect all the time and relax. Whether that means giving yourself space to to be average, adventurous, willing to disappoint others some of the time, or to make a fool out of yourself - give yourself permission to try things without worrying about getting it right.

And give your inner perfectionist a lot of compassion because she's working overtime to keep you and your reputation safe - perhaps it's time to send her on vacation for a while. If your inner perfectionist was on vacation, what would you do differently in your relationships, at home, at work?

My inner perfectionist used to keep me from walking through open doors of opportunity discovered by my intuition or being in the right place at the right time. I would freeze up, not feel ready or good enough. I let a lot of things pass me by while I was trying to please her.

By challenging my inner perfectionist and transforming her powerful energy into purpose and courage, I was able to transform our relationship into something that serves me instead of hindering my successes.

Now this Inner Diva inside of me fuels me in leaping from one opportunity to the next. My transformed perfectionist allows me to deliver 100% to whomever I am with, and without all that self-criticism and worry, I still have emotional energy left over for fun, new opportunities and plenty of creative innovation.

If you don't know how to transform your inner perfectionist into a wildly successful diva. My course Succeed Like a Diva will take you through a transformational journey within the loving, compassionate support of a mastermind group.

You'll learn new techniques for dealing with frustrations, fears, and procrastination, and you will step into the empowerment to courageously live a life of abundance and vibrancy. You will also learn how to shift into the Diva Success way of being that lets you live from your heart in a way that naturally and effortlessly attracts (and fulfills) the opportunities and success that you desire.

Succeed Like a Diva starts May 2nd, and I don't want you to miss this amazing course! For the first 5 people who respond to this email saying "I want to Succeed Like a Diva!", I am offering you a special opportunity to participate in this course for just $199. Check out the rest of the details here, and then send me an email to register!

When things aren't going your way: what to do when you hit a roadblock in life or business.

Last week I talked about how you don't have to be perfect to be successful. Sometimes, in fact, you do everything just right, and things still don't work out. You planned carefully, put your intentions out to the Universe, crossed all your t's and dotted all your i's, and still, life has a funny way of derailing the best laid plans at times.

When that happens, it's pretty easy to feel frustrated, impatient, angry, overwhelmed, confused, disappointed, and unsure of yourself. Even worse, I notice a lot of my clients and friends take things a step further and start being really hard on themselves for not being perfect and making the outcome work out they way they intended. So add to the original feelings a lot of guilt, self-loathing and berating.

This is a pretty rough place to be in and can start a downward spiral that takes you further and further from the success and abundance you want in your life.

When life happens to derail your best laid plans, I encourage you to take a step back and practice what the Buddhists call non-attachment. Non-attachment is letting go of your attachment to the outcome, and also letting go of your false sense of control over the situation. Release your misplaced responsibility, and approach yourself with compassion. Even if you do find that there was a true mistake of judgment that you made in the situation, you can apologize, learn your lesson and move on from it without being mean to yourself.

I learned about non-attachment over the last three years on my journey with chronic pain. I know all the tricks for managing pain, and sometimes even my best intentions don't work. Pain, like so many things in life, often has a mind and a purpose of it's own that is completely outside of my conscious control. In the beginning, I would inflict a lot of anger and self-hatred on my body for subjecting me to this misery, but I eventually realized that this wasn't getting me anywhere but more unhappy.

I realized that just like when completely unanticipated things happen, I can't always control pain. But I can control my response and actions. I can choose not to have an angry or knee-jerk reaction and instead to respond to the situation at hand in a way that feels right and aligned with my original intentions.

I came up with this simple process for dealing with a flare-up and dealing with unanticipated life situations that throw me for a loop. Step 1 ~ Stop: Take a deep breath and release the need to be in control of the situation on your exhale. Step 2 ~ Listen: Ask your Core self, Inner Voice or Intuition what do I need right now? Listen for the answer as long as you need until you are certain. Step 3 ~ Respond with a Loving Action: Choose how you want to respond to the situation from a loving place. Be kind to yourself, the other people involved and even allow yourself to laugh a bit about the predicament you are in.

If you can, thank the Universe for this lesson to slow down, reassess and get clarity. What I've discovered is that when I can approach the unexpected, unplanned interruptions with compassion, and even a bit of gratitude, another opportunity presents itself.

In fact, success is not doing things perfectly all the time, or even part of the time. Success comes when you are confident enough in yourself and your convictions to weather the ups and downs of the unexpected and jump on the opportunities that present themselves to you. Success is the result of your ability to respond in each situation in a way that's aligned with your goals and values, instead of getting lost in a self-defeating cycle of self-abuse, guilt and anger.

Practicing the three simple steps I outlined for you above can help you become successful. If you want or need more support and guidance in transforming your approach to challenges and roadblocks, Succeed Like a Diva may be for you. It'll bring you through a transformational journey within the loving, compassionate support of a mastermind group.

You'll learn new techniques for dealing with roadblocks, and you will step into the empowerment to courageously live a life of abundance and vibrancy. You will also learn how to shift into the Diva Success way of being that doesn't get stuck at roadblocks so you can live from your heart in a way that naturally and effortlessly attracts the opportunities and success that you desire. It starts May 2nd, and the early bird rates are in effect until April 25th. Check out the rest of the details here.

Want to be successful? Just be yourself!

Being successful is not about being perfect.

A student asked me this week whether it was ok to take the course to become a Reiki Master even though she wasn't perfectly healed and balanced yet.

I assured her and the rest of the class that none of us ever become perfect. We're always a work in progress.

I am far from perfect. I never find time to iron my clothes or clean out my car. Sometimes I show up late for appointments, and I'm particularly bad at returning phone calls. Yet that doesn't stop me from being fabulous at being myself and what I do with clients.

Becoming a Master, Expert, Diva, or Just Great at What You Do is more about your commitment to being your best self, giving what you do you 100% of your attention while you're doing it, willingness to always learn new skills and grow as a person, capacity for admitting your flaws, laughing and loving your imperfect self, and making your decisions from your Core self that's grounded in your values, priorities and long term vision.

Personally, one thing I think all really successful people have in common is a strong sense of self, values, and priorities and an ability to listen to their Core self to help them make decisions that expand their potential beyond limiting beliefs and fears.

I've come to learn that the Core self is that Inner Voice that empowers you when you need to be strong, gives you great advice and guidance when you need to make a decision, and comes up with fabulously creative ideas and inspiration.

Your Core self is not your mind or your emotions, I believe it's your higher self, spirit, intuition, gut wisdom or perhaps simply your potential Inner Master, Diva or Expert. What I do know about the Core self is that it's not limited by fears and beliefs, rather it visions the world from a fearless expansive viewpoint where all things are possible.

Having access to your Core self makes Success easy because decisions, choices, answers, possibilities and inspiration come from a place inside of you that's confident, courageous and optimistic. It's a great ally when you're struggling with something or unsure how to proceed, and it's an even more powerful ally when you make a decision to be successful.

The Core self never leads you down the wrong path, and I've found that the Core self always finds a way for you to manifest those secret hopes, dreams and desires in your heart.

Gaining access to and developing a relationship with your Core self is easy with the 5 step Clearing your Path for Success process I've developed. I'm offering it again as a 4 week telecourse called Succeed Like a Diva. While the course is geared towards women, it is absolutely open to men as well.

Succeed Like a Diva is for the person who is committed to living her most vibrant, abundant life and is willing to go through the process of leaving her limiting beliefs behind so she can become a gorgeous, successful Diva.

Succeed Like a Diva will bring you through a transformational journey where you will find the clarity and confidence about the life you're meant to be living, and you will step into the empowerment to courageously live a life of abundance and vibrancy. You will also learn how to shift into the Diva Success way of being so you can live from your heart in a way that naturally and effortlessly attracts the opportunities and success that you desire.

If you're ready to be successful, this course is for you. It starts May 2nd, and the early bird rates are in effect until April 25th. Check out the rest of the details here.