Finding your Rhythm and Flow

I learned about the concept of flow more than 10 years ago when I was first studying Tai Chi and Taoism. The general idea is that life is like a journey down a river that twists, turns and flows. It starts at one point, and there are endless unexpected mini-destinations along the way to your ultimate destination.

Sometimes you can manipulate the flow by blocking it, but it's most effective and so much easier to just get out of the way and let the river carry you along. The Taoist perspective of life is about allowing life to flow while you relax and enjoy the ride.

In her presentation, Erin Elizabeth Wells from Living Peace, showed us how the metaphor about life balance leads us to try to achieve control over things outside of our realm of influence, so we ultimately fail. Instead, she suggested that we view life as a journey instead. The flow of our lives is like traveling down that river I mentioned. Finding flow requires letting go of control and surrendering to the journey all the while holding a vision of the destination in mind to keep you on course.

Rhythm, in this context then, is about how you experience and go through your day to day life on the journey. Erin likened our rhythm to a dancing style, each of us as unique expressions of dance. Some may prefer the orderliness of tap dance, while others flow gracefully as in ballet, or others function best in the unpredictability of modern dance. The idea is to find your authentic rhythm, the one that resonates in your soul, and put your energy and attention into honoring your needs and creating routines to support your rhythm. And yet embracing the cycles of change that inevitably pop up on the journey.

Finding your rhythm and flow is about creating an authentic lifestyle with routines that support your values and needs, all the while being fully present and willing to surrender to change when it inevitably pops up.

How do you find your rhythm and flow?

Erin suggested creating a bucket list of big dreams, writing a purpose statement for your life along with a time line or action plan of how to reach your goals and fulfill your life purpose. You could also create a vision board that lays all that out visually. (I have 3 different vision boards representing different aspects of my life.) These tools are the "boat" and "sails" of your life flow.

For me, rhythm was the hardest concept to figure out. For years I had a life structured by work and marriage commitments. When given a blank slate two years ago, I really didn't know what my authentic rhythm looked or felt like. I just knew that what I had been doing wasn't working for me.

So what I did was practice visioning my ideal, yet realistic, day, week and month. And then I mapped it out with a time map and started experimenting. I made sure to include my morning meditation & visioning time, self-care, breaks, and for my business I mapped out specific client blocks and focused work time. I tweak the time map every season and whenever something in life changes and necessitates a new rhythm.

To start, try to remember a time when you felt like you were in the groove with your day to day life, where everything flowed effortlessly and you weren't rushed or forgetful. I encourage you to use visioning to sort out If you're not sure what your rhythm or flow looks or feels like.

Go somewhere you won't be disturbed and sit comfortably. Close your eyes and take a few slow breaths. Release any tension in your body as you exhale, and allow your breath to center your mind into the present moment. Simply ask yourself "Where am I headed? What rhythm works for me? Then let your imagination run freely. After you finish, write down what you discovered and create that bucket list, vision board and/or time map for yourself.

Joanna offers private mentoring, breakthrough coaching, mastermind programs, and career counseling for emerging and established wellness & holistic health practitioners and women entrepreneurs. In addition, she is a practicing Reiki Master Teacher offering Reiki Certification for all levels.

Recently, Joanna launched The Healing Center of Beverly as a collaborative community of emerging and established practitioners to fulfill her dream of opening a sustainable wellness center with a business model where practitioners are empowered, respected and supported in the work they do, collaboration and community are valued, and everyone's success is celebrated.

Joanna can be reached at info@joannascaparotti.com or 978-338-5571.

Life (and Business) Lessons from living with Chronic Pain

I've been living with chronic pain for the last three years. Luckily, my quality of life has been improving and the intensity of the pain has been slowly and steadily decreasing. It took learning a toolbox of strategic coping mechanisms to finally learn how to maintain a sense of well-being and joy while living with the burden of chronic pain.

After doing lots of research online and speaking with experts, I decided to find some answers by following the wisdom of my favorite quote:

If you find not what you seek within, you will never find it without.

So, I meditated and tuned in to my inner voice about how best to maintain well-being under the challenging circumstances. I found three specific steps to take each time I feel pain or discomfort.

1. Stop what you're doing
2. Listen to your body and heart to find out what is needed
3. Respond with a loving act

So what does that mean exactly?

It's pretty easy. As soon as I notice new discomfort or pain - I pause what I'm doing to give it my attention. I check out what I'm sensing and "listen" to my body and heart for cues as to what I need. Am I hungry? Is it time for medication? Am I stiff? tired? tense? upset? lonely? frustrated? etc... Once I figure out what is going on, I respond to the pain or discomfort message with a loving act.

A loving act could be any of the actions I could take to directly address the message from my body or spirit. A loving act might be taking medication or a nap. It might be doing stretching or yoga or listening to a guided meditation CD on visualizing pain away. It might be calling a friend or making a date for coffee because I'm lonely. It might be calling a doctor or pharmacist to address a concern. It might be scheduling a Reiki session or a massage to give my body some positive attention. It might be asking someone for help.

The idea is to respond to the messages from my body and heart in a nurturing way, rather than letting myself sink into a cycle of frustration, helplessness and depression about being in pain.

Since I've started following these steps - I've noticed that my quality of life has improved drastically. This is mostly due to my outlook shifting from feeling like a victim of circumstances outside my control to feeling empowered, valued and loved as I do kind, gentle and nurturing things for myself.

While I originally used these steps to deal with chronic pain, I found that they were also useful for building a heart-centered business.

In a heart-centered business, a number of things are happening. Doing the work to identify your special gifts and talents and to promote yourself and your business often brings self-worth issues to the surface that you didn't have to deal with before. These need to be worked through in a gentle and nurturing way.

Simultaneously, you become a person who is there for others, helping them through their own physical or emotional pain, and it's important not to get lost in the process. When you are serving in a role as a caregiver or healing ally for others, it's crucial to be taking the best care of yourself possible. You've got to be able to hear the messages from your own body and heart, and to set aside the time and energy to respond to your own needs with loving-kindness.

In fact, it's crucial to set aside time to check in with yourself regularly. When you're building a heart-centered business, you have to pay special attention not just to what your body needs, but to what your own heart and spirit need. That's why I advise all my clients to schedule self-care (which includes time with family and friends, quiet restorative/creative time, exercise and good nutrition, and receiving treatments from others) into their schedule first.

Creating a routine or schedule is often counter-intuitive for the free spirits who love to work for themselves, but it's crucial to maintaining good boundaries around your own needs and for carving out the time to work on and in your business. You don't have to account for every minute of the day, but carving out sacred time to take care of yourself each day makes a big difference. (As does carving out sacred time each week to work on growing your business.)

And last, but incredibly important for sustainability, get realistic about your schedule. I sometimes have bad pain days, and what I did was design my schedule so that I could get through it even on one of those days where the pain is flaring up. I build downtime into the schedule to account for breaks I would need on a day where I wasn't feeling too great. Doing this allows me to get through all 5 or 6 days that I am working each week. I pace my schedule to accommodate the unpredictable difficult days and to be a breeze on days I feel great.

This technique can be helpful for anyone who has a tendency to pack days full of goals, deadlines and achievement expectations that aren't realistic. Sustained productivity comes from maintaining a steady pace with breaks instead of trying to cram as much as possible into the day. I highly recommend you try this approach!

Take a break and relax

When I was in high school, my favorite English teacher told me that the key to producing an "A" essay paper was to stop working once an hour for a 1-5 minute break to rest my mind and engage my body. She encouraged me to stretch, go outside or simply close my eyes and take a deep breath. Another teacher encouraged me to overcome those notorious afternoon slumps by having a high protein snack and exercising for 15-60 minutes to wake up my body and increase my energy for the rest of the day. The advice from these two smart women stuck with me over the past 15+ years and proved to be true time and time again. (I got a lot of A's in school.)

As I learned, taking a break is one of the best things you can do to re-energize, regain focus, and keep up the level of productivity that you desire. If you're anything like me, you may concentrate so hard on what you're doing that the time passes quickly. One of my tricks for fitting in breaks is to schedule them ahead of time and have my calendar remind me on my phone If you're moving around or at home, try setting a timer on your stove or microwave to signal it's time for a break.

Setting reminders is easy - the hardest thing for most of us even when we have good intentions is to actually stop and relax. If you find yourself resisting a break, remind yourself that this break is going to help you reach your goals faster and easier because you'll be focused and rejuvenated when you get back to work.

Cultivating a state of relaxation that stays with you day in and day out makes a significant difference in your health, helps you achieve your career and life goals, and makes life as enjoyable as possible. Yet it's not something that our culture really understands, especially how to practice it. I have been talking to my clients quite a bit recently about what relaxation is - and what it isn't.

I've found there are some common misconceptions about relaxation that make it seem hard to achieve, undesireable or just plain old mistaken for "entertainment" or "leisure" activities like sports, working out and hitting the night life.

Being relaxed is not: grogginess, sleepiness, or tiredness.

Sometimes when you relax, you become aware of how tired you already were because you are better able to hear your body's signals - but the need for rest is what it is - it is not relaxation.

Relaxation is not fatigue or lethargy either.

Rather, when relaxed, your muscles and joints flow; in fact, all of your body systems flow easily because they are not disrupted by tension. Tension, believe it or not, actually wastes energy and can wear you out. It takes fuel to keep those muscles contracted and emotions high, and that energy you spend keeping up the tension habit could be used for something you enjoy doing. With practice, you can retrain your muscles and your emotions to stay relaxed and free up more energy to fuel your life.

Relaxation is not a state of being so laid back that nothing bothers you and you never have difficult emotions. That state is called apathy! Rather, relaxation is being comfortable enough to accept your emotions as they are, without giving them any more or less importance than is necessary. It's about being calm enough to respond to a situation with your mind and heart, not reacting from a place of fear or pain. It's about having enough calm stored up that even when life throws you curveballs, you have the resiliency to get back to your center quickly.

Relaxation is a state of calm responsiveness, where your body and mind are at rest but ready to respond to whatever situation arises. When I think about an expert on relaxation, a martial arts master from those late 80's movies pops into my mind. He is someone who is very clearly at ease with his body and tuned into how he can use it well. In addition, this guy is usually smiling and enjoying the moment, whether it is dangerous or not. He is very aware and alert to everything going on around him, but he is at rest and calm. He does not react to situations, rather he responds calmly using the least amount of energy necessary to deal with it and accomplish his goal.

Now, of course we aren't all going to become a martial arts master, but everybody can learn how to be comfortable with their bodies and emotions, and maintain an alert, focused mind that can appreciate the moment no matter whether it is exciting, joyful, dull or difficult. We can even learn how to respond instead of react.

There are many active and passive ways to cultivate the art of relaxation. While some require discipline like martial arts, qigong, yoga, and meditation, there are others that require less work from you like bodywork, hypnotherapy, going to a spa etc... I've found a pretty cool way to train the body with a series of Reiki sessions combined with breathing cues. I've had great success using this with my clients. How you cultivate relaxation in your life is really up to you - what's important is that you do it.

Experiment this week - try scheduling a couple of breaks for yourself to relax and TAKE THEM. I bet you'll be glad you did!