I spent today in retreat, meaning I spent a lot of time giving myself Reiki and sitting in Remembrance so I could clear out the block I was feeling about my business. At first sitting in Remembrance was really tough, as this block in my heart made me want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head or turn on the TV and distract myself from it. I took a break to eat some chocolate, and then I went back to it.
As I continued to sit with it, I reminded myself that it was ok to just feel the block and allow the emotions to exist. I didn’t have to feel inspired, clear or motivated, it was ok to stay with my truth of being stuck and blocked. I started to notice what emotions were wrapped up in that tight feeling in my heart. There was frustration and crankiness with being uninspired, a bit of fear about finances (pretty typical), and underneath that a lot fatigue. The fatigue surprised me the most since I didn’t know it was there, and I wondered what I was tired from? At this point, I shifted tactics and put my hands on heart and solar plexus to give myself Reiki. If I am fatigued, then some extra energy would help for sure. I continued with Remembrance. (If you don’t know what the Remembrance is - check out my blog post here. Never heard of Reiki?Learn more here.)
In addition to Remembrance allowing me to get up close and personal with whatever yucky stuff is going on with me on a subconscious or spiritual level, it’s also a healing opportunity. In Remembrance, we are connecting directly with the Universal source and so much love and healing is available here. All you have to do is ask. Which I did. I breathed into the tightness around my heart and even dozed off for a bit. When my meditation chimes rang to let me know 20 minutes had gone by, I still felt some tightness. So I stayed with it - trusting that it would ease if I could be patient and persevere.
Suddenly, I noticed the block had eased in my heart. I could breathe easier. I started to feel clearer and lighter. And then it hit me, I am exhausted from doing so much, working so hard this summer. I love what I do, and this makes working such a joy for me, so it wasn't that. Then I realized how many transitions have been happening in my life since April. I moved into a new home, am still adjusting to living with my sweetie for the first time, my sister got married, a new niece or nephew is on the way, and I shifted into a new relationship with my business. So much going on, and I dealt with the anxieties and fears by throwing myself into my work. I even did this silly thing where I made my Sunday schedule 9am-8pm. Really, Joanna? You are in the wellness business. What were you thinking?
It’s funny that you can still fall into unhealthy old habits when there is stress. Even when you know better. Even if it’s good stress for positive life changes. Even when your sweetie points out nicely that aren’t you working an awful lot? *sigh* Once that unraveled, I saw that I needed to get realistic about how much space and time for working with clients, working with the practitioners at The Healing Center, and writing I could really hold every week while having a healthy balance of self-care, and time for family and friends.
I pulled out my journal and made a list of what I wanted to be doing. I gave myself permission to go crazy with my ambitions. Then I got real about it, actually pulling out the calculator and showing myself that there's no way to turn 24 hours into 35 each day. I had to step back and start from the other end. With only 24 hours in the day and enough hours dedicated to sleep and self-care, I admitted that it really was reasonable to only expect myself to work for 8 hours, 5 days a week. I have a hard time limiting myself this way, so I have to get disciplined about sticking to a schedule and making enough time for self-care, relationships and TLC. You might resonate with me on this, or you might be challenged on the other end with your business - not committing enough time to your work so you can hold the clients your heart longs to help.
With a better picture of what my heart, mind, body and spirit could really hold every week, I was able to compromise and come up with a schedule that allows me to be fully present with clients & students without burning out. I had to make some tough decisions about how many clients and students I can really support, but I know it’s for the best. Limiting my schedule means I can give clients my best, and I feel lighter and more confident about that. I also feel supported, knowing that my personal needs are included in my schedule.
Have you checked in with your heart recently to see what it can really hold for your clients and yourself? Is there room for supporting more clients or do you need to cut back the quantity so you can provide the best quality support for them? What do you need to bring balance, peace and lightness to your heart?
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